SERVE TO LEAD

By Milton Babajide Macaulay

Most people have the wrong perception of what service and leadership are. You would hear a so-called “leader” say to his dissatisfied followers,” Stop treating me like your servant. I am your leader!” and this has caused an unimaginable gap between stewardship and leadership. Many see both words as two separate entities where the former indicates” slavery” and the latter indicates “headship”. Everybody wants to be the head, part of the ruling class, sitting at the top of the food chain and ordering subordinates to run helter skelter in order to carry out a task, which ordinarily should have been carried out by the leader himself. 

The moral decadence and character degradation happening all around the world should not surprise or frighten us, for it is natural for such corrupt/reprobate/perverse occurrences to take place in societies where there is no living example or role-model for leadership and service. This is why those of us who are still sane character-wise, must continue to preach the linkage that exists between stewardship and leadership. Even our dear politicians have a wrong mindset, for they vie for public offices with the intention to lead/rule/govern, but never with the responsibility to serve, whereas, the objectives of a true leader can only be achieved through service.

Under normal circumstances, people should naturally be reluctant to take up leadership roles if they deeply understand   the sacrificial service attached to it, but opposite is the case in our world today, where lazy set of beings consider themselves fit for public offices and end up growing fatter and more robust than they were before they took up the office. Wolfgang Von Goethe said,” Leadership is action and not position” Therefore, leadership entails movement, dynamism, activity, running around, making enquiries, allocating duties only when necessary, apportioning blames only to himself for he is responsible for the actions of his followers, and solving problems proactively.

The truth is continents around the world, most especially Africa, are yet to have worthy examples that are capable of being called true leaders! The only example worthy of note is the Late South African anti-apatheid leader and first native president, Nelson R. Mandela. No wonder today, South Africa has the best economy in the Africa which made her the only African country to earn a seat in the current G-20. Also, according to the 2013 world universities ranking, South Africa has the best African university – the University of Cape Town (which ranks 145^th in the world). How many Nelson Mandelas do we still have in Africa? None or a negligible few? Exactly, your guess is as good as mine! This is why the continent is still the poorest so far, for the current sets of African leaders have no problem-solving potential, and of course, lack stewardship attributes which makes a leader complete! 

Even the bible espouses this view by saying,” He who will lead you must first serve you, and he who will be your head must first be the least” The servant-leadership style of managing people and resources solves a lot of problems before they occur, such as:  anarchy, resistance/rebellion, youth restiveness, national  insecurity, recurring industrial actions, unimproved standard of living, over bloated labour market, nepotism and undue ethnic/religious sentiments, overdependence on one source of revenue, lack of workable national development programs, dignitaries becoming more powerful than the law, destabilized economy, incessant importation of locally produced materials, full exploitation without conservation in view, dilapidating infrastructures, poor maintenance habit, fire brigade approach to crucial matters, dehumanizing treatments from expatriate firms to indigent workers, and a host of others.

A leader, who is service-driven and does not mind taking a trip to the bottom of the food chain in search of what the masses need, in order to change the standard of living of the downtrodden, will become a transformational leader capable of creating a monumental change to be celebrated by generations yet unborn. Only if our dedicated youths (who are the next leaders in embryo) can understand this principle deeply, will the future of the continent be well secured.  

AFRICAN YOUTHS COME ALIVE TO THE RESCUE OF AFRICA!!!

The Child-Marriage Saga: The Last Piece Of My Mind

By Milton Babajide Macaulay

Nigerians are not confused. They only want to know why such a clause has been in our constitution all this while. Taking advantage of the moment to trash out the lingering problem of child-marriage is a cause I am aware would better our nation, therefore, I strongly support the ‘ChildNotBride’ initiative. A lot of hullabaloo has been made by Nigerians over this issue whilst some religious fanatics have tried to turn it into a religious battle. However, this is the last piece of my mind on the child-marriage saga.

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You may ask why I have been so concerned about this issue. I guess it’s because I saw with my naked eyes while I served my nation in Kebbi State (North-western Nigeria) 2 years ago, the soul-shattering cases of “adolescent-mothers” lying in excruciating pain in hospitals as a result of all sorts of medical complications (with Vesicovaginal Fistula topping the list). There was a Girls’ Secondary School situated opposite my Place of Primary Assignment in Bunza, Kebbi State, where my roommate (during this period) taught ‘Government’. He narrated to me how these adolescent girls disappeared from the school the moment their fathers’ hand them over as child-brides to their friends or business partners.  He added that there was a time one of his students presented her wedding invitation card to him. He asked, ‘how old are you?’ and she replied, ‘14 years old’ ‘Although morphologically, her body was well-developed’, he admitted, ‘but mentally she was too young to make such a life-time decision’, he pointed out. After the wedding, she never returned to the school again. He later asked her school friends what had happened to her and they replied, ‘she’s at home helping her family now’. That was the end of education for that poor girl who could have lived her dream as a teacher or nurse and become a very useful tool for the development of her community.

Even the school principal (a learned Northern Muslim woman) complained about this but as expected, nothing was done by the leaders in the community to save the situation. They appeared to be unmoved and nonchalant but didn’t criticize the woman for going against any Islamic doctrines.  I was very impressed by the efforts of the principal who treated the students of her school like they were her own daughters. If the parents of the principal had married her off as a teenager without giving her the opportunity to learn and be educated, would she have become the principal of one of the largest Girls secondary schools in Kebbi State, contributing so much to the futures of young northern girls?

I decided to share these real-life stories because I have noticed how some people have kept yelling that child-marriage doesn’t mean the girl would not be given a pen or be educated. The reality before our eyes, tells us that MOST of the victims of child-marriage actually sacrifice education on the altar of marriage. It is important to note that my friend clearly stated that 95% of the students in the Girls’ secondary school were unmarried, which is self-evident that child-marriage often marks the end of education for the majority of the young girls living in Northern Nigeria.

It is true that ideally, child-marriages should not be consummated not until the bride is physically and mentally mature enough to face the rigour of childbirth, however, this does not happen in reality! In Northern Nigeria, child-marriages are consummated too early – even when the child-bride is just 10 or 12 years old. What about the decision of the child-bride herself? Doesn’t she have the right to choose whom she wishes to marry? Is marriage supposed to be a life-time of bondage? Those who think that parents want the best for their kids should think again!!! As we have loving and responsible parents, so we have callous and self-centred ones! Some child-marriages are solely organised to deliver the father from a mountain of debt. Others are organised to secure a business transaction like the child is collateral! Most are organised as a result of poverty, illiteracy and ignorance. Therefore, I can clearly say that it is very possible for some individuals to love a child more than the way the parents love that child. A good example is the principal of the Girls’ secondary school mentioned earlier.

Those who keep screaming continuously like a broken record that we should clamour for marriage and not fornication should for goodness sake get medication for their sentimental illnesses! WHEN DID FORNICATION EQUAL MARRIAGE?! Who in his right senses would encourage fornication or abortion? It is true that the global community is sex-crazed at the moment and both Christians and Muslims are doing everything possible to redeem the youths from the global menace of sex-enslavement. Therefore, it irritates me when I read comments from some religious fanatics who claim that Christianity encourages immorality. Haven’t you heard of Alhajis who are fond of running after female youth corpers serving in the North? Who doesn’t know that immorality knows no religious boundary? How angry do Muslims get whenever some people say Boko haram is an Islamic sect, yet some Muslims are now fast in associating Christianity with immorality? When are we going to learn that hasty generalization will land us in bigger troubles? What church have you seen distributing condoms to youths? Even till this day, there are churches that would not wed a pregnant bride because it is against their doctrines. This very simple and logical issue should not be manipulated into a religious tug of war. Okay what would you suggest Christians do to solve the problem of fornication or abortion? Should we begin to behead them one by one or cut off their private parts for sleeping around? I’m sorry to disappoint such fundamentalists but Christianity teaches forgiveness and free-will! The problem of sexual immorality is rooted in poor upbringing/parental care/guidance; therefore, it is not a simple issue that can be solved over the night. All we can do is to keep preaching the good news and hoping to save the few we can (who are willing to change because we do not believe in coercion).

Claiming that child-marriage would solve the problem of sexual immorality is like trying to convince me that a hurricane is better than a tornado! Any reasonable person should know that both have the potential to cause natural disasters!!! Hence, child-marriage as practiced in today’s world has only added to the world’s problems instead of reducing them. Yes, we may not be able to solve ALL the world’s problems BUT let’s stop adding to them! Senator Yerima who claimed publicly that he can give out his daughter at the age of 6 should be asked if any of his sisters were given out or even betrothed so early. His supporters should also be asked the same question. Funny enough, most of his supporters are southern Muslims who would NEVER give out their daughters so early because they are enlightened of the consequences of such actions; therefore, I wonder what they have to gain by fomenting so much disarray! Rather than tell the truth, they have decided to cling to religious sentiments which would further tear us apart if we are not careful. I’m tired of reading articles screaming out religious sentiments like one in which the author wrote, ‘what is your business if I give out my daughter at the age of 6?’ The writer forgets that we are ALL Nigerians and therefore, it is our business because his daughter is a Nigerian! I read in Premier Times today that the Senate President, David Mark, said, ‘Senator Yerima blackmailed other northern senators with religious sentiments’. He promised to revisit the issue for the sake of the common good of ALL Nigerians (irrespective of their tribe or religion). Therefore, we need to lay aside unnecessary sentiments if we truly appreciate the strength that lies in our diversity.

Considering the current state of the world and the moral decadence/social injustice which occurs daily, it is important for LAWs to be made to protect everyone when the situation demands it. For example, the United States made laws in the past for civilians to own a gun for personal protection but today, the law is being deliberated upon for changes due to the recent wide-spread indiscriminate use of guns by psychopaths which have led to the preventable deaths of both children and adults. Also, in our country, the current times have called upon us to revisit the section of the constitution that encourages child-marriage. As far as I know, my Muslim brothers have told me that the Quran doesn’t state explicitly that child-marriage MUST be practised which indicates that for the common good of all, bearing in mind the reality before us, we can decide to amend that section of the constitution that supports child-marriage in order to make the country a better place for ALL (be it in the South or in the North) of us including helpless innocent female children born into the hands of callous parents anywhere in the country! What ulterior motive is there to have over this matter? There’s none for crying out loud! In fact, most of us clamouring for the abolition of child-marriage will not be directly affected by it, but someone like me, who saw the appalling consequences of child-marriage in the North, will bask in the deep sense of fulfilment of having contributed his humble quota for the good of others. Therefore, let’s stop labelling our religions unprintable descriptions which would only divide us across religious lines and not help us as a nation.

This is the last piece of my mind on the raging debate on child-marriage. I can only hope that when the Senate reconvenes, our representatives will think more as Nigerians and not as a Christian or Muslim for posterity will judge all of our actions on this blessed day.

FAMILIARITY: The Friendly Enemy

By Macaulay Babajide Milton

Familiarity breeds contempt they say

But if we are so familiar, why the mindless fray?

Perhaps, the more knowledge we gather about the other

The more our minds wander

What could have happened to my friend? We ponder

We expect too much but end up receiving so little

We perceive more flaws than there is; steaming like a boiling kettle

Drawing impulsive conclusions with our limited senses

To justify the reasons for erecting high fences

We fail to remember that our friend is a human

And unlike robots, He is an emotional being

This makes Him to be equally loving and mean

He may strike when pushed to the wall

But won’t hesitate to catch you when you fall

It seems the friendlier we get, the more vulnerable we become

The full access provided makes friends take us for granted

So why are they often shocked at our immediate reaction

Pretending to be completely oblivious of what triggered such actions

Stimulating ceaseless sympathy from the emotional veins of bystanders

With the hope of finally paralysing the friend-turned-offender

There is a thin line between love and hate

And sadly, friends are usually the unexpected baits

Some know so much, therefore, know how best to hurt us

Others know so little, yet, feel they can judge us

We are envied for remaining on our feet in the midst of turbulence

Sometimes referred to as arrogant for rejecting every form of insolence

New tactics are then employed for gravity to bring us to our knees

One moment we are friends, the next moment we are enemies!

When strangers hurt us it’s no big deal

But when a friend does, it’s all we feel

Like our hearts have been ripped open

And our dignity stolen

Familiarity is said to begat it

But friendship can’t be formed without it

All Friends are prone to envy

And envy’s a silent enemy

They strike when you least expect

And sadly, the culprit you’ll least suspect

Philosophers would say, ‘keep your friends close but your enemies closer’

For me the reverse is the case because friends may be deadlier

That they love us doesn’t mean they can’t hurt us

Deliberate hurts we need to be aware of

Bad advice, even good friends may offer

Cherish their efforts but don’t be a stickler

Digest not their words – hook, line and sinker

For an alternative approach may turn out to be healthier

Truly, familiarity may produce scorn

But also forms the bedrock that creates trust

The person in question is what matters

So beware of hasty flatterers

Better is an honest rebuke than poisonous love

Better are friends who change our lives with bitter truths

Than friends who mess up our lives with sweet lies

However, friends are needed to brighten our day

Tap us on the back and tell us, ‘all will be okay’

Though we risk being vulnerable

In our weakness lies the strength that makes us capable

How then should we handle our friends?

How far can we go without them?

Since we lack the futuristic vision to perceive a potential foe

How best do we protect ourselves from head to toe?

Man is a gregarious animal

Needing one another is the key to survival

We are heavily flawed to succeed alone

Even a king needs advisors to preserve his throne

On the shoulders of others, we stand to reach the sky

A nudge from a true friend, is all we need to fly

We live in a cruel world where everybody wants to be the first

Ineluctably, we will always need somebody we can trust

The first person you embrace might be the first to betray you

Yet, running a solitary race might quickly burn out the oil that should sustain you

We may decide to be unpredictable to our friends

To fool them into thinking they know our weaknesses and strengths

Just in case they try to turn against us smartly

They see another side of us which isn’t friendly!

There’s no need to keep a battalion of them

For quality is the determining factor of adorable gems

Despite our imperfections they continue to stick around

Understanding that when under pressure our weaknesses scream aloud

They say friendships are often broken due to familiarity

But I will say the ‘accused’ should be laxity

Valuable substances are wasted due to availability

Therefore, preserve your worth by adopting timely scarcity

Friends may not share the same mother

But the support lavished, is greater than a father’s

Their volatile nature might make us accidental targets

All the same, give them a warm hug for we too are not perfect

FEMINISM: The New Form of Extremism

By Macaulay, Babajide Milton

If after reading the title of this article, you say to yourself, “Not again. Male chauvinists!!!” Then you are indeed a feminist! And this article is specially written for you. As expected, some paragraphs may bore you out because it exposes some of your weaknesses, but if you can manage not to doze off, I assure you that you will pick up one or two lessons that will help improve your personality for good. Well, just to make it clear, I am NOT a male chauvinist. I am just a concerned observer who perceives the recent actions/attitudes of ladies who refer to themselves as feminists, as unacceptable! As usual, my dissatisfaction compelled me to harness this piece of detailed information from all reliable sources to express the opinions I have about feminists!

Now, we understand that certain cultures and religions around the world have not given women the rights they deserve. Some cultures and religions have confined women to the four walls of the kitchen as domestic slaves! Some others treated them as second-class citizens which have led to the advocacy for women’s right on political, social and economic equality with men by the United Nations under the Millenium Development Goals (MDGs). Even till this day, in certain African cultures, female children are still not appreciated! Some husbands also mistreat their wives or replace them if she is unable to produce a male child. Such men in their stupidity and ignorance are not even aware that the ‘Y’ Chromosome which is the needed genetic entity for the creation of a male child is actually produced by them and not by women.

I remember in 2009 during my Industrial Training at a medical laboratory in Oshodi, Lagos, Nigeria, a couple walked in to perform some medical tests – SFA (Seminal Fluid Analysis) and HVS-MCS (High Vaginal Swab – Microscopy Culture Sensitivity) – to find out why they have been unable to procreate. The husband bolstered, “I didn’t want to come here because I am damn sure I am medically okay! It is my wife that needs check-up! You have no idea how much effort I have invested just to impregnate her. I have emptied all my semen into her; pumping her mercilessly from all directions; yet no show!!! Anyway, just to fulfill all righteousness you can still have my semen to be tested. In the end, she will be convinced that I am not the one at fault but she is!” I stood behind the senior med lab scientist who later instructed me to take the EDTA bottles containing the couple’s sample for testing. I headed straight to the Microbiology Lab and used a micro-pipette to place a drop of the cocky husband’s semen on a clean slide and focussed it under an electronically-powered binocular microscope. I was shocked at what I saw. Millions of the sperm cells were not motile indicating that they were either dead or ‘tired’; they could barely swim. I couldn’t stop laughing while documenting the result. The husband had a low sperm count, therefore, could not impregnate his wife despite his turgid ‘John Thomas’ and his merciless aggressive pumping in all directions. The lesson learnt is that a man’s stature or ability in bed does not guarantee his capability to father a child. Unfortunately, the African society has brainwashed most people that once a couple cannot procreate, the woman is the culprit! These various forms of marginalisation and injustice against women has led to the need for them to survive and preserve their kind, thus, becoming proud feminists!

You hear them mentioning the names of Benazir Bhutto, Beyoncé Knowles and Chimamanda Adichie without having a clue about the family lifestyle of these women. Beyoncé sang, “Who runs this world? Girls! Girls!!” and unfortunately, a million gullible ladies took her lyrics literally and then end up treating all the guys around them (including their suitors) like trash without asking themselves if Jay-Z is also being disrespected! Even if the husbands of great Nigerian women like Obi Ezekwezili and Dora Akuiyuli are not popularly known, it does not mean their husbands are irrelevant in the society and subservient to their famous wives! I watched a TV programme where Dora was interviewed. She pointed out that she still cooks for her husband despite her busy schedules but many young ladies won't remember that! All they pay attention to is how to be great and famous; expecting their husbands to be in full support even if some of their lofty desires may alter their ‘natural role’ in the home. What I mean by natural role is your role as a helpmeet (as described by the Holy Scriptures). You are not meant to consciously seek superiority but to help him succeed without losing your personal dreams as well. There are times when the woman’s success will eclipse her husband’s. The way to ensure the natural order of things in such a home is for the woman to display a high degree of respect and submission despite her superior achievement because the man is the natural head (as espoused by many religions). Struggling tooth and nail to take the man’s position will not do her any good but would rather destroy her home. This is why many feminists in history were not able to keep their homes.

Most females believe the only way to break the male superiority over them is to be equally as aggressive as the males. Let us learn from the story of the British women in the 1800s when they were disallowed to vote. The first thing they did was to form a party (National Union of Women’s Suffrage Societies – NUWSS) under the leadership of Millicent Fawcett in 1897. The members called themselves the suffragists and Millicent ensured they followed peaceful, persuasive tactics in actualizing their goals. However, some members of the party felt her approach was too slow and inefficient so they broke away in 1903 and formed their own party (Women’s Social and Political Union – WSPU) headed by Emmeline Pankhurst. Emmeline referred to her members as suffragettes in order to differentiate them from Millicent’s members. The suffragettes adopted violence and destruction, thinking it was a faster way of solving the problem but it only put them in more problems. “Be very careful not to open suspicious parcels arriving by post. On the other hand, do not leave them lying unopened in the house. They should be dealt with carefully and promptly. These harpies (suffragettes) are quite capable of trying to burn us out’ (Winston Churchill’s – the British Prime Minister at that time – note to his wife in Feb, 1913). In the end, it wasn’t Emmeline’s violent tactics that actualized the goal but the peaceful approach of Millicent. The cool, calm, collected but highly focussed approach spearheaded by Millicent, eventually got British women the political liberty they deserved. Millicent coerced the members of her party to build the nation during the 1st world war when the men folks were out in the fields shedding their blood and sacrificing their lives to protect the sovereignty of their nation. The suffragists ended up building roads, bridges (one is still standing today across the River Thames in London) and many other infrastructures in the absence of the men between 1914 and 1918. Finally, in 1919 after the war had ended and peace was restored, the members of parliament in the House of Commons and House of Lords in Britain were astounded by the efforts of the women during the war and they unanimously passed the ‘women suffrage rights law’ not as a result of the stupid violence and aggression by the suffragettes but because of the sacrificial contributions of the suffragists during the war. This lovely story has shown clearly that aggression and extremism will solve absolutely nothing!!!

Male chauvinists will say, ‘It’s a man’s world’ but I will say, ‘It’s a human’s world’ because humans are the most ‘evolved’ animal species on Earth. We should have other animals under our feet rather than enslaving one of our kind (female humans). As much as I do advocate for women redemption, I will not tolerate unnecessary extremism from them. Women need to hear the truth about life, that although they were created equal with men, they are never equal with men in ALL things! Yes, we may have had women presidents such as Gloria Arroyo of Philippines, Sirleaf Johnson of Liberia, Cristina Fernandez De Kirchner of Argentina, Benazir Bhutto of Pakistan, but these women also doubled as wives, subject to their husbands when they get to their homes. This family role of a ‘helpmeet’ is NEVER a servile position as most women these days see it. It is indeed a powerful role for women who can utilize the latent power wisely. A soft and caring wife stands a higher opportunity of controlling subtly, the decisions of her husband, than a fierce and aggressive wife. Aggressiveness and confrontations only weaken the influence women should have over men. If you doubt this statement, ask yourself why the Egyptian Queen, Cleopatra, was so powerful? Even controlling the most powerful man of her time (Julius Gaius Caesar). It is important to point out here that this power shouldn’t be wheeled as a tool of manipulation or else suicidal consequences may follow!

Radical feminism aims to challenge and overthrow patriarchy by opposing standard gender roles,calling for the radical reordering of the society, but this is a cause that will never succeed because most societies rest on the fulcrum of religion. We can only extend certain rights to women but patriarchy is not negotiable, trust me! Ladies should therefore, learn to deal with the truth! Now it is true that in terms of political and professional headship, women have proven to be more effective and efficient than men, it is still not enough grounds for them to question the age-long fundamental doctrines of religions that clearly stipulate who the head of a home should be! I am aware that there are irresponsible men who are not playing their roles as loving husbands and fathers; and in such cases, women have risen up to the occupation acting as both the mother and father. However, these cases, which are anomalous, should not be presented as an evidence for the abolition of male headship. I know most of you would think I am only writing about this because I am a man but the honest truth is that I would still have written this article this way if I was born as a woman because I will respect the roles of men without belittling my role as a woman!

Some feminists are irritated to hear about a man’s superior achievement; it makes them feel powerless and inferior! I was talking to a first class graduate of Accounting from the Covenant University some years ago who happens to be a lady. I asked, ‘now that you have won so many awards, where will you put them?’ ‘Hang them on the walls of my home of course’ then I asked a thought-provoking question, ‘Where will your husband hang his?’ I expected her to say, ‘on the same wall’ but she frowned at me as a way of saying, ‘I don’t care where he hangs his’ as inspiring as she may appear, she had a pugnacious attitude! No wonder most radical feminists don’t have husbands or actually go for men with low self-esteem, making it much easier for them to be manipulated. And as expected, feminists dread the guts of highly intellectual men because such men make life difficult for them!

Remember the aphorism, ‘behind every successful man there is a woman’ Women are natural managers and helpers but are not natural home leaders. This is why the children of single mothers often grow up to become unruly and impudent. Most people picture Margaret Thatcher as a typical role model because she wrestled successfully against her male counterparts, becoming Britain’s first and only female Prime Minister. Do you know that when she died some months ago, so many British citizens didn’t want her to get a proper burial? I know this because I live in the UK currently and heard what the people on the streets had to say about her. Her daily strive to be like a man cost her her personality and then she became a radical feminist who was ferocious and officious to the extreme. She didn’t learn to be diplomatic and it cost her a lot.

Goodluck Jonathan’s cabinet today has more women represented than any other Nigerian government in history. Even in my University (FUTA) we ensured that all student governments (from the Departmental level to the SUG level) elected female candidates strictly for the positions of vice-president and welfare director in order to preserve some form of gender equality in student politics. Despite the efforts of Governments, NGOs and many male folks round the world to ensure gender equality, women still resort unnecessarily to undue aggression and extremism.

Many ladies reading this article are guilty of extremism towards the male folks as a result of their cravings for gender superiority! How? You may ask. Well, I will break it down briefly. Sometimes some of you feel the need to frustrate a guy for no reason, thinking this would make him respect and honour you more. When you suddenly ignore online conversations for no real reason without typing the abbreviation, ‘brb’ or ‘ttyl’ and not even apologizing afterward, instead, telling the guy to f**k off that he doesn’t have the right to tell you what to do. By consciously seeking for control, ladies have turned around the order of gender injustice by refusing to apologise each time they offend a male. Some even tell silly lies just to preserve their over-bloated pride! For example, when your phone rings right before you but you refused to pick it up and then later on, telling the innocent guy that you were busy whereas, you weren’t! And many more silly behaviours which you ladies should remember.

Frustrating a man wouldn’t make him regard you more. It will only make him adopt new skills on how best to deal with you. Be yourself; be a woman, as you can only influence a man through love and never through aggression! Be the woman; be soft and tender, slow to anger, approachable, loveable, respectful, kind-hearted and feminine! Never try to be a man; let the man be the man and let the woman be a woman! When you preserve your nature as a woman, you stand a higher chance of sealing all deals on gender equality but extremism in the defense of gender equality will render the cause worthless!

The Conflict Of Cultural Identities

By MACAULAY, Babajide Milton.

Photo By: kabuika.freehostia.com

It's been exactly 10 months since I got to the UK for my postgraduate study and a lot has changed about me. My academic skill and knowledge has been refined tremendously and more importantly is the reformation of my cultural integrity. As an African (Nigerian to be precise), I grew up with certain cultural values which formed my thought process and social mannerism. I found myself in a strange land but I was determined to succeed anyway. From the Western movies I watched in my home country, I knew it would be foolish of me to call every white man  a Briton because there are non-Britons and non-Europeans who are also white-skinned. As a result, I often started off my conversation with every white-skinned fellow I meet with the question, ‘where are you from?’ My adaptive nature to new environments presented itself as I mingled with people from different parts of the world and tried to establish a niche for myself. I didn’t feel inferior due to my skin-colour even though I was snubbed by a handful of Caucasians for a reason I never cared to know. I took more pleasure in the fact that the majority of my friends enjoyed my company and loved to have me around.  Then the culture shock began.

“You can call me Peter”, one of my lecturers said to me the first day I met him. As expected, I found it very difficult to call him by his first name because my cultural values taught me to respect my elders and those in higher authority, but to my greatest surprise, my UK lecturers wanted me to call them by their first names including PhD holders and Professors! Also, I would walk into a hallway or corridor and find strangers opening doors for me. “How nice”, I said to myself. Who the hell will open doors for you where I come from? “Haven’t you got hands of your own” or “wait a minute, do you consider me to be your servant?” are the ‘friendly’ replies you may get if you are lucky. I was also fascinated by the fact that commuters were fond of thanking the bus drivers after transporting them to their individual destinations. A bus driver on the streets of Lagos will hardly get such a compliment from commuters. It is more likely that he gets to be abused and screamed at for driving either too fast or too slow. I found it absolutely amazing to witness the high level of patience, courtesy and mutual respect that the British people possess.

The positive shock I felt was riddled with some negative ones as well.  During winter,  most Britons had their dresses covering their entire body surface as a result of the near-zero or sub-zero fluctuating atmospheric temperatures. As Spring faded away, though short-lived, and Summer crept in, the length of the dresses began to shrink until it became very little and highly provocative most especially to fresh foreigners in the country. The bum shorts and bra-less tops being flaunted everywhere I turned reminded me that I was indeed in a strange land. Over time, I realised that it was absolutely normal for them to dress that way because they wanted more parts of their body to be exposed to sunlight for the purpose of tanning. As much as I understood this, I felt some of them had taken the summer clothing style to the extreme and should rather walk naked than to hang pieces of clothing materials on their mostly skinny bodies all in the name of summer! Rape incidents in the UK is not on the increase as far as I know, so even though I had my reservations about the summer dress sense, UK citizens had absolutely no problem with it which made my opinion very irrelevant! On the other hand, such dresses if worn in my home country may increase the rate of sexual molestation and rape which clearly shows why it will be socially-intolerable in my country and the origin of my stern reservations.

Furthermore, I was on a train heading to London Victoria one morning when I saw a man telling his 10 year old son to reduce the volume of the music blasting out from his mobile phone in order not to disturb other passengers and the boy replied, “Gosh dad! What the hell! Please let me be!” and his dad sat there looking at him helplessly. My jaw dropped to see a 10 year old having such guts. I couldn’t imagine myself talking to my father in such a disrespectful manner without getting a thunderous slap. The western world embraces the concept of not smacking their children when they misbehave and this has made many of them to be recalcitrant and nonchalant! If such a child is left with an African family, some consistent whips and lashes will chase out the rebellious tendency in that child. As espoused by the biblical text which says, “spare the rod and spoil the child”

I also remember being invited to a church where I saw one of the male priests wearing a pair of ear-rings; and when I went to open a UK bank account and the bank staff who attended to me had a pair of ear-rings on. As he spoke to me explaining the benefits of the savings account, my gaze kept shifting to his ears and within seconds I had formed an opinion about the kind of person he might be. In my home country, when a man wears a pair of ear-rings, it shows how irresponsible he is. All white-collar occupational sectors (not only the banking sector) in my country do not allow male employees to wear ear-rings or pierce their body because it is regarded as being rascally! But there I was in the UK sitting with a banker who had a pair of ear-rings on. I watched him closely and discovered that he knew his job excellently well and that his ear-rings had nothing to do with his profession and productivity. Therefore, there was a sudden conflict in my mind on how I should judge the personality of the banker.

Any foreigner visiting the UK for the first time may likely experience the conflict of cultural identities and it is expected that the longer the foreigner stays in the UK, the more the cultural lines will dissolve. This makes such people imbibe the British culture quite fast but at the risk of sacrificing their original cultures (which has sadly been the lot of many Africans living in the UK for so long). Not all foreigners will absorb the new British customs, as a few others will hold on staunchly to their original cultures but may become alienated in the new environment (which is the root cause of cultural fanatism/fundamentalism).

As much as I would love to imbibe the patience, courtesy, mutual respect, professional meekness and high-tolerance level of the British people, I do not wish to embrace their loose dress ethics or liberalism towards child discipline. Social and moral ethics (which are often founded by culture and religion) should guide our conscience daily in order to prevent us from abusing the liberty as we have seen countless times! As much as I would also love to preserve my original culture by upholding the elderly respect, sticking to the morally appropriate dress sense, smacking my children when required, etc., I do not wish to retain the undue aggressiveness of the typical African which is reflected in his jungle justice approach to emotional matters; overly judgmental; and the show off of over-bloated pride. This leaves me in a conflict of cultural identities which needs an immediate resolution.

The most beneficial means of resolving the cultural conflict is to consciously blend the positive aspects of both cultures and discarding the negative contents. The first step in achieving this is to admit that NO CULTURE IN THE WORLD IS PERFECT! Therefore, by respecting and admiring the beauty of other cultures and absorbing the positive aspects into ours, we create a superculture which will transform our mentality and personality into a unique cultural model worthy of emulation both at home and abroad. Lets appreciate who we are irrespective of where we come from and not be too proud or rigid to accept new elements from foreign cultures nor too loose or flexible to discard our aboriginal customs which forms the basis of our existence.